i'm watching a friend go through the same thing i went through after my breakup with ryan. sometimes you don't know what you had until it's gone, until the other person realizes they're sick of your particular brand of bullshit and leaves you. and you hold out that hope that the love you have for them will change their mind, that simply loving them will change the way things are, that it will bring you back together with them.and i'm watching another friend go through hell because she cared about the first. over the summer.
to the first, i say: you can't have unrealistic expectations of getting back together with the one you love. and know that it's not the end of the world. everything happens for a reason, whether it be the hand of god or a predetermined path we follow. and know that you CAN fall in love again, no matter how scarred you are. sometimes it's you that caused your worst scars.
to the second: everything will work out. be open. you'll find happiness if you're just open to it.
they won't read this, most likely. but writing it has made me feel better. as if going through a hell of my own making has allowed me to see a little bit of myself in others, allowed me that much more empathy to the pain of others.
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on another note:
you slept next to me again last night. i watched you sleep, breathing labored, bare chested. a slight smile crossed your lips as i touched your shoulder. you are radiantly beautiful when you sleep. and though beautiful is a word that usually refers to a woman, in sleep you are angelic, androgynously beautiful.
my angel.
my love.
i touched you gently on the shoulder. your eyes fluttered; once, twice.
i would like to see your dreams.
