which sucks, because i really wanted to go to that show, but no. cuz the boy might get a ticket from his friend and go without me. which i feel like if i was a good girlfriend i wouldn't care. but it bothers me. because i wouldn't go to something i knew he wanted to go to as well if he couldn't come along. it just sort of makes me feel like i'm not wanted or something. i used to do the same thing when ryan would go to stuff without me.

i think if he decides to go, i'll smoke up with limbo. if not, then i won't. i don't know who i'm punishing here, me or him. and i don't wanna be that girl. the bitch girlfriend. so i don't care if he goes. which is an utter lie.

and i like to smoke up with limbo, we just sit around and eat and giggle and talk. and i said i wouldn't do it again, but the only reason i don't want to is that mark scared me so badly the last time. he acted like ryan used to. i was so fucking frightened that he would leave me just like ry did.

fucking hell.